When not to respond

In the world of strategy, we spend a lot of time focusing on what a person should do. How should they respond? How should they react? What is the game plan?

But, for Sun Tzu, equally important is knowing when not to act. Knowing when not to respond, when to stay put or shut up or hold back or even withdraw. In war, this knowledge is critical. Not all opportunities are equal. Because mobilizing an army can be very expensive and dangerous, a general must make careful calculations if he's going to send his troops out.

For Sun Tzu, we should only act when we have the advantage, when the moment is right. Timing is everything.

In life, the same idea is true. Success in life depends not on constantly doing, doing, doing. That is a recipe for burnout. Rather, it comes from knowing when to say yes to certain opportunities and when to say no, or when not to respond. 

But how do you know when not to respond or act? How do you know when to say "no"? How do you develop this knowledge? Sun Tzu offers us four situations where it's better not to respond:

1. If there is nothing to gain.
2. If there is no danger.
3. If you feel angry or spiteful.
4. If, by responding, there will be greater danger.

These situations apply equally to the armies of Ancient China as it does to us. Let's go into each situation in greater detail.

IF THERE IS NOTHING TO GAIN
"If there is no advantage, do not move."
- Sun Tzu

For Sun Tzu, mobilizing an army to gain an advantage requires using resources. It requires coordination, money, food, and time. It also opens up an army to dangers, such as disease or fatigue. Thus, moving an army when there is no advantage to be gained is a huge waste of resources.

While this reasoning may seem like common-sense, in our culture, it is very easy to get caught up in FOMO, or "fear of missing out." How many times do we subscribe to newsletters, websites, blogs, channels that end up just taking up space in home, phone, inbox, etc.? How many times do we accept an invite to an event or webinar that ends up just being a waste of time? How many times do we click on a news article or watch a video based on a scintillating headline, only to find out that it wasn't as exciting or interesting as we hoped? 

Take Sun Tzu's advice to heart: if there is nothing to gain, don't act. Don't respond. Don't subscribe. Don't attend. Don't read. Don't participate.

Value your time and attention. Spend them on things that align with and support your purpose and help you along the Way (Tao). Ask yourself: Will this move me forward on the path I want to be on, or will it move me away from it?

If it's away from it, you need to seriously reconsider whether you should give your time and attention to it.

IF THERE IS NO DANGER
"If there is no danger, do not fight."
- Sun Tzu

War is by its nature an intense and emotional endeavor. It is easy to get defensive and pitch battle when you see an enemy force nearby. But for Sun Tzu, this only makes controlling your nerves even more critical. Battles can be expensive - not just in terms of money, but lives. One should only engage in battle if there is a real danger, a real threat, to the army.

Likewise, in life, especially in times of great social and political tension, it is very easy to get caught up in arguments and fights. Someone says something we disagree with, and we feel the need to speak up and argue with them. Someone criticizes something we said, and we feel the need to defend ourselves. Someone calls into question our idea or reputation, and we immediately try to attack them.

These conflicts, arguments, and debates can suck up our mental and emotional energy, not to mention our time. The issue, though, with these situations is that often times, they can easily be avoided by simply not responding. Often times, they will go away by themselves.

The next time you hear someone say something you disagree with or criticize you about something, ask yourself: Is there really any danger here? Or is it just my ego that wants to respond?

Oftentimes, it is just our ego feeling threatened. Don't let it take control over your decision-making! You should respond defensively only if there is something real at stake - that is, if something or someone is threatening your ability to your ability to progress forward.

IF YOU FEEL ANGRY OR RESENTFUL
"Anger can return to happiness. Resentment can return to contentment. [But] a destroyed nation cannot return. Those who are dead cannot come back to life."
- Sun Tzu

For Sun Tzu, the one of the worst times to attack is when one is angry or resentful. This is for two reasons. First, anger and resentment tend to disconnect us from reality. Behind every feeling of anger or resentment is a feeling of disbelief - disbelief at what someone has done or is able to do. Such a disconnection in war is very dangerous, as it allows us always to be surprised by our enemies.

The second reason is because anger and resentment lead us towards destructive behavior. For Sun Tzu, destruction often costs more than simply getting over a perceived attack or grievance. We risk the lives of our soldiers, and thus the security of our nation, when we act from anger or resentment.

For this reason, one should never act out of anger or resentment. A ruler should never dispatch troops or a general throw soldiers into battle out of anger or resentment. 

In your own life, the same principle is true. How many times have we said something out of anger, only to regret it later? How many times have we broken someone's trust or confidence in us by responding this way? How many times have we disappointed, scared, or hurt someone we loved because we responded from anger or resentment?

Never act from anger or resentment, even if there is something to gain (for example, someone complies with what you want). In most cases, you'll end up cancelling out whatever gains you make. Doing this often just builds anger or resentment in the other person - not true cooperation.

Instead, ask yourself: What will I gain from acting out of anger or resentment? What could I lose from doing so?

In almost all cases, it's not worth the cost, and in most cases, it won't really get you anywhere.

IF BY RESPONDING THERE WILL BE GREATER DANGER
"If I know the troops can attack, but do not know the enemy cannot attack, my victory is half. If I know the enemy can be attacked, but do not know the troops cannot attack, my victory is half. If I know the enemy can be attacked, and know the troops can attack, but do not know the ground in battle, my victory is half."
- Sun Tzu

For Sun Tzu, total victory (quan sheng), the ultimate goal of the general in war, is achieved through having complete knowledge or understanding of the situation. Knowing only whether you can attack, or if the enemy can attack, or if the ground is favorable, and not knowing all the others, puts your army at greater risk.

Thus, for Sun Tzu, it is important to have a complete picture of the situation before committing troops to battle. Of course, this doesn't mean that the general will not act at all. Rather, he may try all sorts of things to get a better read on the situation. He may send a small skirmish to test the enemy. He may send spies to report back. He may try to build alliances with neighboring rulers.

But when it comes to sending his soldiers into battle, it is only when the general has a complete understanding that he can confidently put his troops in danger.

In your own life, this principle is the same. We are taught to act, act, act. To try our best, even if we fail. To be persistent and fight like hell and get back up if we are knocked down.

But oftentimes, we can overextend ourselves. We get excited about some opportunity that turns out to be a wash. We are told by friends or experts to invest in some new scheme and end up losing our money. We burn ourselves out trying to make a certain career path or relationship work.

While uncertainty and risk are natural parts of any endeavor in life, our role is not simply to accept them. Our role is to gain a complete understanding of our situation. We do not compete for half-victories.

Of course, this doesn't mean that we simply do nothing. We can always do more to improve our situation. We can always learn more skills, gain more knowledge, acquire more resources or connections.

But we should never compete for half-victories. So whenever an opportunity arises on your path, ask yourself: Do I have a clear understanding of how successful or helpful this opportunity would be? Is this something I can honestly say will benefit me, whether or not it ends up successful?

If answer no to either question, you should definitely reassess.
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All four of these situations have one thing in common: they are all distractions. Keeping to the Way (Tao) means being able to tell the difference between what will help you on the path or distract you from the path.

So heed the advice: If there is nothing to gain, if there is no danger, if you are simply angry or resentful, or if it presents a greater cost or risk to you if it's not successful - then stop. Wait and assess. It's most likely not worth it.