​It can be tedious to remember all the methods, rules, tactics, and wisdom from Sun Tzu when you are in the middle of facing a crisis or problem. One simple question I like to ask myself when I face different scenarios is: What would a skilled warrior (shàn zhàn zhě) of life do? 

How would a skilled warrior of life respond or react to this problem? Would they respond with anger? Would they ignore it? How would they deal with it?

(An alternative question to ask, which is just as effective, is: What would Sun Tzu do?)

If I wish to be a skilled warrior of life, I need to know how would a skilled warrior act. What kind of choices would they make? 

For example, if someone says something that annoys me or makes me feel insecure, my initial reaction may be to be angry or defensive. However, is that how would a skilled warrior of life act? Or would they think through the situation, try to understand why they feel a certain way, listen to the advice, and try to move on?

Asking this question repeatedly allows me to rethink and readjust my identity. Once I understand who I aspire to be, it becomes easier to make different choices.

For Sun Tzu, emotions can be very dangerous. They can cloud one's judgment and push one to act rashly in the face of crises or challenges one may face.

On the other hand, emotions can also be powerful tools. Used correctly, they can motivate you to overcome opposition, connect you with others, and enjoy life better.

So what's the best way to manage your emotions? How do you keep your emotions from putting you in a worse position? And how do you use them to better your situation?

The following are four key lessons I've ​taken from The Art of War on controlling my emotions:

1. Emotions are informative.
2. Refrain from making decisions based on your emotions.
3. Let flow.
4. Channel your emotional energy for the right time and place.

Let's go through each lesson in greater depth.

Lesson 1: Emotions are informative.
As human beings, we are emotional creatures. Everything we experience is colored by our emotions. All of our emotions - whether positive or negative - are natural and even healthy. The problem is that we don't much understand our emotions and what they can tell us about ourselves.

There is much scientific research into the purpose of emotions, which I won't go into here. However, the most important thing to understand about emotions is that they are reactions to our sense of control over ourselves, others, or our environment. In particular, they tell you how secure or insecure you feel about whatever situation you are in.

So, anxiety, for example, comes from one's insecurity towards controlling or knowing the outcome of a situation, especially if the situation or the outcome could be negative. Anger is a natural reaction to someone or something not conforming or complying with our own standards we project onto the world.

Excitement, which is actually a form of anxiety, comes from how insecure we feel towards a desirable outcome that we feel or know is very possible, even likely. Contentment is a general feeling that things are under control, that no surprises are lurking in background.

Thus, emotions are very important because they inform us of how we are - consciously or unconsciously - feeling about a situation. For Sun Tzu, this information is incredibly important. As he tells us, "Know the other, know the self, and your victory will not be in danger." Knowing oneself - in Sun Tzu's case, knowing one's army - lets the general know where the mindset of his soldiers are. Are they scared? Are they angry? Are they anxious? Are they calm and ready? Asking these questions lets him understand if his soldiers are ready for battle, or if they need to be trained more, or if they need to move to a different ground, etc.

Likewise, for yourself, you should also ask yourself similar questions. Whenever you have a strong emotional reaction, you should ask yourself:

1. What emotion am I feeling right now?
2. What does this emotion tell me about myself and my situation?
3. Do I tend to feel this way in these types of situations?

 
In this sense, your emotions are a window into your mind. Investigating why you get upset when someone cuts you off in traffic or why you get so excited when you meet a new guy or girl helps you understand your tendencies better. You can start to see patterns in your behavior ("I always seem to feel this way in these types of situations"). This allows you to gain some distance from yourself and potentially break these patterns.

That is how you stay responsive to your situation - able to adapt.

Lesson 2: Refrain from making decisions based on your emotions.
While your emotions are natural, healthy, and informative, making decisions based on your emotions - i.e. how you're feeling - is not effective or strategic. Indeed, doing so can lead to worse and more disastrous consequences than you intended.

While emotions are good windows into your mind (if you have the discipline to try to understand them), they often do not give a clear or accurate interpretation of your situation. The person who didn't send you an invite to their party, for example, might have been trying to slight you - or they may have legitimately forgot to send you one. The girl or guy who gave you a compliment on your outfit may have been trying to flirt with you - or they were just being nice.

In addition, acting from your emotions also tends to make you look weak or vulnerable in front of others. If people know that you are controlled by your emotions, then they can figure out what to say or do to manipulate you.

In warfare, both of these consequences are dangerous. If a general makes decisions based on his emotions, rather than on clear intelligence from his spies and local guides, then he risks putting the whole army, as well as the nation, in danger. Likewise, if the enemy knows that the general is emotional, he can use that to exploit the general's weaknesses.

This is why, for Sun Tzu, you must refrain as much as possible from making decisions based on your emotions. Sun Tzu offers clear guidelines for when you should take action: "If there is no advantage, do not move. If there is nothing to gain, do not mobilize. If there is no danger, do not battle."

Whenever you are in an emotional state, you have to ask yourself: "What will I gain by taking action?" What will I gain from responding in anger? What will I gain from constantly checking my phone, waiting for some update on something?

An alternative question is: "What can I lose?" What can I lose from acting out of anger? What can I lose from giving into anxiety or excitement?

Decisions must come through calculation - from gathering intelligence, analyzing one's situation, and choosing the best course of action out of one's options. Emotions may factor into the analysis, but they shouldn't guide it.

Lesson 3: Let flow.
For Sun Tzu, emotions are not permanent states of mind. Rather, they are fluid. As Sun Tzu tells us, "Anger can return to happiness. Resentment can return to contentment." Our natural state is to be happy and content - absent any stress or overt change, that's the state we all tend to go to.

There is a paradox with this, though. If all emotions are natural and healthy, we shouldn't try to repress them or reject them. Rather we should accept and embrace them. On the other hand, if we hold on to negative emotions, like anger or anxiety or depression, we can keep ourselves from getting to a place of contentment and happiness. They can be like poison if we hold on to them for too long.

The key is to acknowledge the emotion - that is, to acknowledge how you feel, without  any judgment - and give yourself time for the emotion to dissipate. I call this technique letting flow.

First, you have to acknowledge what emotion you are feeling. Are you feeling angry? Hurt? Sad? Heartbroken? Disappointed?

Next, explore the emotion. What is it about the situation that, you feel, sparked this emotion in you? Was it that someone said or did something that bothered you? Was it that you were hoping for one result and got another? Was it that you feel you've lost something? It helps to write this down, either in a journal or in a letter to the person at whom you're upset. The key is not to judge your response, but to accept it as how you currently feel.

Next, you have to give yourself time by distracting yourself from the situation. Maybe you need to take a break. Maybe you can take a walk or run or swim. Maybe you can play a game or an instrument. Whatever it is, you have to put some distance between you and the situation.

After awhile, you can return back to the situation and see if your feelings have changed. Has the intensity of the emotion gone down? Are you still as upset as you were? Are you still as disappointed? If yes, then that's good. You'll probably be in a much better place to deal with the situation. If not, then you need more time.

The ultimate point you want to reach is the ability to take time away from the situation and come back and reflect on the situation. Ask yourself: is there a chance that I am responsible for what happened? Is there something I might have done to have caused the situation to happen?

By following this technique consistently, you are preventing your negative emotions from festering. By acknowledging, exploring, giving yourself some time, and then coming back to reflect, you are letting these emotions flow and dissipate. Just like a ripple in a pond, the pond will come back to a calm, peaceful state - but only if you let it.

Lesson 4: Channel your emotional energy for the right time and place.
For Sun Tzu, emotions are not just informative. Rather, they can be powerful forces to tip the scales of victory in your favor - if you use them at the right time and place.

A general, for example, wants his soldiers to be ready and fierce when it comes to battle. He wants them to be motivated to win. He does this by putting his soldiers in danger, where there is no escape, so that their courage outweighs their fear of death. Likewise, the general wants to use his soldiers' excitement and desire to enjoy the spoils of war as a motivating force for getting them to steal from and feed off the enemy.

In your own life, your positive emotions can assist you when taking action. Excitement can be a motivating force for preparing yourself for an opportunity - a job interview, a promotion, a new business prospect. Maintaining a positive, upbeat mood can be very helpful in displaying confidence to others.

Even using anxiety and anger can be helpful. Allowing for some anxiety pushes you to be cautious in your decision-making, and maintaining some anger, especially when acting in opposition to someone, can be helpful in clarifying in your mind who your enemy is.

The key is never to let your emotions guide you. You should only be guided by your calculations - what you've assessed, using reliable information, to be the best path forward.  Your emotions should only assist you when you're deciding to take action. In this way, they become an extra-boost that gives you an advantage in whatever endeavor you're trying to do.